 |
Joern Szegunis' bio - a sort of ...
Although best known for his academy award winning films, Joern Szegunis is also famous for his recent address at
the United Nations, his gold medals from the Olympics, and his fourth quarter touchdown pass in last January's
Superbowl.
Dr. Szegunis has published extensively on the thermodynamics of relativistic quantum mechanics and his best selling
books have been translated into twenty four languages. For the past three years his original Broadway musical has
played to standing room only crowds.
Professor Szegunis' negotiations were recently credited with releasing several hostages and he was first to apply
Morkov-chain models to global circulation, resulting in vastly more accurate climatic predictions. His Nobel prize
acceptance speech emphasized the unity of all mankind; his competition at Wimbledon demonstrated his great sportsmanship;
his recent discoveries in alpha-site keratanose shows great promise for reducing certain tumors.
He has broken a KGB spy ring, starred in three television documentaries, testified at numerous congressional hearings,
received the Order of the Garter, and the coveted Gold Star for Good Attendance at the WGV. His face is engraved
on coins of several Asian countries.
When not teaching science to underprivileged inner city children, Chancellor Szegunis can be found playing ten
simultaneous chess matches or squeezing lumps of bituminous coal into diamonds.
|
